~~~左右为难， 进退两难~~~

I'm in a crossroad now and i'm wondering which road should i take to further my journey. It's confusing and complicated.

Some of my friends suggested me to continue my 1st road since I have already cross the 1st step on it. By continuing this way, the suffer and pain will be decreased and I do not have to pretend myself to be a strong and brave person....I just have to be the real me with real feeling, real thinking and real mind. I may achieve my goal if i choose this road....

For 2nd road, I'll be more suffer and pain... I must learn to be brave, strong and hide up all of my real feeling, real mind, real thinking...etc...And the way to save myself from these situation is depend on time.

Sure you'll choose the 1st road for ur journey, right? As it's more smooth than the 2nd road.

For me, I want continue my journey with 1st road but I cant do tat. If i choose the 1st road, i'll gain painless and being the real yan without any hiding secret or feeling but.... this road may brings a lot of troubles to others. Should I hurt someone purposely to sastify myself?! If I choose not to do tat, i'll not get wat i want and i may not cross a single step even in the 2nd road.....

你会把自己的快乐建在他人的痛苦上吗？
我不会也不希望，我宁愿自己痛苦也不愿意带给他人痛苦。
这样的想法是对的吗？

或是

我应该继续地向那目标走去，不管牺牲了多少人，也不该放弃？！

我应该伪装自己还是作真正的自己？

我应该向前 ( 1st road )，向后 ( 2nd road ) 还是原地不动 ( 让一切顺其自然) 呢？