cant sleep....i don't know what can i do now so just being here to post something.... erm, actually i got no idea what to post here... just my hands feeling itchy and wanted to type something here.... ;)
I've been enjoying my holidays since one month ago and finally... working life is going to start soon... I got no more free time start from June and I think time will probably passing fast throughout tat period of time... Throughout the month of May, there're many things that happened around me... either expectedly or unexpectedly... it's kinda blur and confusing...and I do not dare to think deeply again... I just wan it to be the most simple and stay happy... Maybe I'm coward...or maybe I'm selfish as well...I hate decision making... I hate misunderstanding...I hate battle.....and so on...
Thought of lots things in these month...once and once... Shared my problems with my best buddies... once and once... Listened to theirs opinions...once and once... But...I know I am the only one who can decide wat I want to be... I do not have an answer which is perfectly right and I was being in dilemma most of the time... sometimes, I really cant figured out what is right and what is wrong...... I cant.... I really cant.....BUT, I do hold a principle of my own...and tat's oso the theme of my blog... I just want to hold a chance...no ones know what is going to happen on the next second...and time waits for no ones...I hate of being too late... I wan to hold it...appreciate it...cherish it...thats one of my principle.....
May of year 2007... It marks the other beginning of my life... A beginning that I want to hold tight and never ever give up easily......
I think... I might hurt someone directly/indirectly....and I really don't know what was exactly happening... I was so blurred and confused... wanted to make it clear but seems to be getting worst each time... Maybe I shouldnt mentioned about this anymore but I really cant just ignored it...and I also dunno what should i say the next...it's really...........haizzz...Maybe i should apologise...but sometimes I dont think I was wrong... And sometimes I really guilty about it and hope he/she can blame on me, shout on me, cry on me, fight on me to release his/her unsatisfy.......just like a quote that keep listened by me recently, "as long as you happy, i happy"... I wont mind if he/she wants to treat me badly, as i think that's one of the way to make him/her happy.... and I really cant forgive myself to hurt someone just to make myself happy......just like what chinese say, “把自己的快乐建在别人的痛苦上" how can i do tat...how can i get the happiness by putting sadness on others... i still cant forgive myself each time i think of it....BUT I wont giv up just bcoz of tat too..... do u think I'm really stupid!?!? dats why i say i'm not clear about myself........being so blur and confuse........
I do not know what will be going to happen again after I publish tis post... but I really hope those who read it dont treat it so seriously.... I just want to voice out and sometimes I was so blurred on what I had post.... blogging is actually something can make me more relax and happy but it seems to bring much more trouble for me.... Maybe I should.........................................
aiya... it's 3am now...just ignore tis post if u dont understand... coz I also blur now....mayb i'm just crapping..... _??_
